Theme song of the Groucho Marx show, 1928
Words and music by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby
The sheet music:
Lyrics
(All)
At last we are to meet him
The famous captain Spaulding
From climatics hot and scalding
The captain has arrived
Most heartily we’ll greet him
With plain and fancy cheering
Until he’s hard of hearing
The captain has arrived at last
The captain has arrived
(Jamison)
I represent the captain who insists on
My informing you of these conditions
Under which he comes here
In one thing he is very strict
He wants the women young and picked
And as for men, he don’t want any bums here
(All)
As for men he don’t want any bums here
There must be no bums.
(Jamison)
The men must all be very old,
The women hot, the champagne cold.
It’s under these conditions that he comes here.
(Mives)
I’m announcing Captain Jeffery Spaulding.
(All)
He’s announcing Captain Jeffery Spaulding,
Oh dear, he is coming,
At last, he’s here.
(Spaulding)
Hello, I must be going,
I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going.
I’m glad I came, but just the same I must be going
(Mrs. Rittenhouse)
For my sake, you must stay.
If you should go away,
You’d spoil this party I am throwing.
(Spaulding)
I’ll stay a week or two,
I’ll stay the summer through,
But I am telling you,
I must be going.
(Mrs. Rittenhouse)
Before you go, will you oblige us,
And tell us of your deeds so glowing?
(Spaulding)
I’ll do anything you say,
In fact. I’ll even stay!
(All)
Good!
(Spaulding)
But I must be going.
(Jamison)
The Captain is a moral man.
Sometimes he finds it trying.
(Spaulding)
This fact I emphasize with stress,
I never take a drink unless
Somebody’s buying.
(All)
The Captain is a very moral man.
(Jamison)
If he hears anything obscene,
He’ll naturally repel it.
(Spaulding)
I hate a dirty joke I do,
Unless it’s told by someone who –
Knows how to tell it.
(All)
The Captain is a very moral man.
Hooray for Captain Spaulding,
The African explorer.
(Spaulding)
Did someone call me Shnoror?
(All)
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
(Jamison)
He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts.
(Spaulding)
If I stay here I’ll go nuts.
(All)
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
He put all his reliance,
In courage and defiance,
And risked his life for science.
(Spaulding)
Hey, hey.
(Mrs. Rittenhouse)
He is the only white man who covered every acre.
(Spaulding)
I think I’ll try to make ‘er.
(All)
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
He put all his reliance,
In courage and defiance,
And risked his life for science.
(Spaulding)
Hey, hey.
(All)
Hooray for Captain Spaulding,
The African explorer.
He brought his name undying fame
And that is why we say,
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
(Spaulding attempts to speak)
(All)
Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African explorer.
He brought his name undying fame
And that is why we say, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
(Spaulding Starts To Speak)
(All)
Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African explorer.
He brought his name undying fame
And that is why we say, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray