Which Switch Is The Switch, Miss, For Ipswich?

A popular song from 1915.
Words and music by Worton David, J. Barnett and Hermann Darewski.

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The sheet music:

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Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:

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Lyrics

1. I’ve just had a row with a telephone girl
   A telephone girl, my brain’s in a whirl
   I asked her for Ipswich, but she lost her head
   And somehow, she switched me on Northwich instead
   She got so mixed up with the switches, it’s true
   That I got annoyed, and I cried, “Tell me, do”

Chorus
“Which switch is the switch, Miss, for Ipswich?
It’s the Ipswich switch which I require
Which switch switches Ipswich with this switch?
You’ve switched my switch on the wrong wire
You’ve switched me on Northwich, not Ipswich
So, now, to prevent further hitch
If you’ll tell me which switch is Northwich
And which switch is Ipswich
I’ll know which switch is which”

2. I begged the young lady to please put me thro’
   I cried, “Switch me, do on Ipswich Two-two
   I waited an hour, then the sweet little thing
   Came back from her lunch
   And exclaimed, “Did you ring?”
   Then just as I fancied at last I was thro’
   She cried, “Have you finished?”
   I said, “What the who?”
3. I got thro’ at last, and I thought all was well
   Rang up my hotel, but more trouble fell
   I cried, “Can you book me a room there for two”
   A voice said, “We can sir, but this is the Zoo”
   I murmured a prayer, then I fainted away
   And when I came ’round, I was trying to say

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Sung here by Laurence Rubenstein: