From the hit musical “The Girl From Up There” (1901).
Words by Hugh Morton.
Music by Gustave Kerker.
This song was later interpolated into the 1902 musical “The Wizard of Oz.”
Sheet music provided by Jacob Jackson and Nick Leunissen:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- I was walking ’round the ocean
On a Sunday afternoon
When I met a lobster salad
But I didn’t have a spoon
So I asked the lobster salad
Just to have a little talk
Would it mind if I should eat it
With a solid silver fork
And the lobster said he didn’t mind a bit
So, we went inside a grotto
And we sat upon a bench
And the lobster said his father
And his mother both were French
When I questioned his veracity
He fixed me with his gaze
And he said: “Well just to prove it
I shall sing the mayonaise”
But the lobster couldn’t sing a little bit
Oh! Never trust a lobster, never trust a snail
Never trust a codfish, never trust a whale
Never take a steamboat, that’s bound for Liverpool
When you want to spend the day at Coney Island - Oh! ’tis foolish going sailing
If you haven’t got a boat
And it’s foolish drinking whiskey
If you haven’t got a throat
But a quicker way to cure a cold
Than swallowing quinine
Is to light a fire with a can of kerosine
And it doesn’t hurt the kerosine a bit
A girl was washing windows
And began to go insane
So she tried to eat a window
And she got a window pane
Then she quickly tore her clothing off
And started on the mash
And she might have been arrested
But she wore a window sash
And the public didn’t like the sash a bit
Oh! Never eat a window, never eat a door
Never eat a hatrack, never eat the floor
Never climb a lamppost after a hearty meal
For, the odds are ten to one you’ll never find one
Sung here by Vancha March: