From the musical “The Red Widow”, 1911
Words by Channing Pollock and Rennold Wolf
Music by Chas. J. Gebest
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
1. When I went on the stage my own voice was my rage
But they started me out in the chorus
With a spear in my hand just to dance and to stand
In a costume exceedingly porous
One fine night to the show came some people I know
When I saw them I wheeled straight about
And trilled for my friends a Puccini cadenza
The orchestra leader yelled out
Chorus:
“Never mind singing, just dance, my dear
Dance, my dear, dance my dear
You know you’re no Carmen and no Marguerite
So stick to high notes that you reach with your feet
They manicure voices in France, my dear
But the man to cure yours does not live
With your larynx don’t take such a chance, my dear
Save your voice and just dance, my dear”
2. When my poor uncle died, I was asked to provide
The music for his funeral service
I decided to sing an old Methodist thing
That I learned in the choir at Port Jervis
When the parson had said final worlds o’er the dead
I brushed all the mourners aside
And began in staccato my great obbligato
From the casket the corpse sprang and cried