How To Tell a Fairy Tale

From the musical “Alice and the Eight Princesses”, 1905.
Words by Glen MacDonough.
Music by Victor Herbert.


The sheet music:


Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:


Lyrics

  1. There was once a married lady on a journey went away
    To visit all her relatives, a month or so to stay
    But when she suddenly came home when hubby wasn’t there
    She found two foreign hairpins and some almost golden hair
    Then the scene with which she welcomed him was terrible to see
    But when ’twas o’er, the husband said, “You are unjust to me
    They’ve lady burgulars today, and while away I’ve been
    Some female Raffles blonde and bold has gone and broken in”

Refrain
And much to his surprise she did believe him
To clear him quite his story didn’t fail
And from all shade of doubt it did relieve him
For he knew how to tell a fairy tale

  1. There was once a married bank clerk who off to the racetrack went
    To be upon a real good thing the money saved for rent
    And when back home he’d walked again the idol of his soul
    Told him that she had need to spend a section of his roll
    “My love,” he said, “upon those notes I found there was a curse
    For ev’ry one of them had been in Rockefellers’ purse
    The thought of tainted money all my soul with horror fills
    So I rushed unto the river and threw in those blighted bills”

Sung here by Vancha March: