Because I’m Married Now

(I Would! If I Could! But I Can’t! Why?)
A song from 1907.
Words and music by Herbert Ingraham.


The sheet music:


Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:


Lyrics

  1. How do you do? Well how are you?
    Me? Why I’m feeling fine
    What have a drink? Well I don’t think
    That stuff don’t go for mine
    No, not just one, ’cause if I begun
    Lord knows here I would end
    Now look here old man
    I know where I stand
    Just listen to an old, old friend

Chorus
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
I bid all those things get behind me
When I took the marriage vow
I may be strong, but my wife is stronger
And if I do wrong, I’d have a home no longer
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now

  1. Now don’t get mad! Or don’t feel bad
    I thank you just the same
    I am your friend! Right to the end
    You know I’m not to blame
    What? Go see Nell? Whom you like well?
    And she’ll introduce me to Mame?
    No thank you old scout
    ‘Twould be sure to get out
    I would like to see them just the same

Chorus:
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
I bid all those things get behind me
When I took the marriage vow
Since I’ve been married
And you know that’s recent
I will have you understand
That I am perfectly decent
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now

  1. On one fine day at Sheepshead Bay
    Bill watched a race begin
    Said Henry: Bill! be sporty still
    I’ve a sure thing to win
    He’s ten to one and called Shogun
    You’ll never miss a ten
    Bill looked kinda sad
    He must have felt bad
    When he said now you just look here Hen

Chorus:
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
I bid all those things get behind me
When I took the marriage vow
They say that money is a man’s best friend
Then when you get married
All your friendship ends
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now


Sung here by Vancha March: