(I Would! If I Could! But I Can’t! Why?)
A song from 1907.
Words and music by Herbert Ingraham.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- How do you do? Well how are you?
Me? Why I’m feeling fine
What have a drink? Well I don’t think
That stuff don’t go for mine
No, not just one, ’cause if I begun
Lord knows here I would end
Now look here old man
I know where I stand
Just listen to an old, old friend
Chorus
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
I bid all those things get behind me
When I took the marriage vow
I may be strong, but my wife is stronger
And if I do wrong, I’d have a home no longer
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
- Now don’t get mad! Or don’t feel bad
I thank you just the same
I am your friend! Right to the end
You know I’m not to blame
What? Go see Nell? Whom you like well?
And she’ll introduce me to Mame?
No thank you old scout
‘Twould be sure to get out
I would like to see them just the same
Chorus:
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
I bid all those things get behind me
When I took the marriage vow
Since I’ve been married
And you know that’s recent
I will have you understand
That I am perfectly decent
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
- On one fine day at Sheepshead Bay
Bill watched a race begin
Said Henry: Bill! be sporty still
I’ve a sure thing to win
He’s ten to one and called Shogun
You’ll never miss a ten
Bill looked kinda sad
He must have felt bad
When he said now you just look here Hen
Chorus:
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
I bid all those things get behind me
When I took the marriage vow
They say that money is a man’s best friend
Then when you get married
All your friendship ends
I would, if I could, but I can’t
Why? because I’m married now
Sung here by Vancha March: